Caraphernilia

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yz_7WD_-WdU

Hello again, I feel like I may have gotten one of the best parts of the book to make connections on. Despite it being a tad bit sad, it's also beautiful. Before I read this quote, I had no words to describe being changed by someone you love, and that love leaves. I had no words. But Pudge gave me some.

(P.170)
   I stood up and stared down at him sitting smugly, and he blew a thin stream of smoke at my face, and I'd had enough. "I'm tired of following orders, a**hole! I'm not going to sit with you and discuss the finer points of her relationship with Jake, godda** it. I can't say it any clearer: I don't want to know about them. I already know what she told me, and that's all I need to know, and you can be a condescending p**k as long as you'd like, but I'm not going to sit around and chat with you about how godd***ed much she loved Jake! Now give me my cigarettes."


"You don't even love her!" he shouted. "All that matters is you and your precious f***ing fantasy that you and Alaska had this good***ed secret love affair and she was going to leave Jake for you and you'd live happily ever after. But she kissed a lot of guys, Pudge. And if she were here, we both know that she would still be Jake's girlfriend and there'd be nothing but drama between the two of you--not love, not sex, just you pining after like, 'You're cute, Pudge, but I love Jake.' If she loved you so much, why did she leave you that night? And if you loved her so much, why'd you help her go? I was drunk. What's your excuse?" The Colonel let go of my sweater, and I reached down and picked up the cigarettes.




So, the whole situation sucks there's all these emotions, which come with loss. Anger, bitterness, hate, angst, fear, sorrow, pain, aching, heartbreak, and just plain utter loss for words. Someone loving a taken dead girl does not want to hear about the relationship she had, which was not him. Pudge is stuck; he does want to know. But he also really doesn't. It's an even split. Either one of those 2 options leave scars. With what the Colonel says, I think that, Alaska loved multiple people and in different ways, after thinking long and hard about the way Alaska reacted to Jake and the words Pudge used to describe him, as Alaska most likely saw him...

I don't think she loved Jake. She loved the idea of him: a mature, model-esque, hot guy, who caters to her sure, and treats her like the most beautiful thing in the world. But when it came to Pudge, I think he was a bit of a mystery to Alaska as well. She knew boys like him, he was the typical inexperienced, a bit nerdy boy. She wondered why though. She had engaging conversation with Pudge, and shared her thoughts, her mind with him. Even though he didn't quite understand hers, she still showed him. Speaking about the Labyrinth, the book collection, the tragic losses in her life.

(p.172) I wondered if there would ever be a day when I didm't think about Alaska, wondered whether I should hope for a time when she would be a distant memory--recalled only on the anniversary of her death, or maybe a couple of weeks after remembering only to have forgotten.

With such mystery in a loved-girl, now stuck in death, does that wound ever scar? Or stay always? Being scratched at the seams and stitches, bleeding every so often. Perhaps silently, unnoticeably, but still bleeding.

(p.172) She made me different.

"You can't just make me different and then leave," I said out loud to her. "Because I was fine before, Alaska. I was fine with just me and last words and school friends, and you can't just make me different and then die." For she had embodied the Great Perhaps--she had proved to me that it was worth it to leave behind my minor life for grander maybes, and now she was gone and with her my faith in perhaps. I could call everything the Colonel said and did "fine". I could try to to pretend that I didn't care anymore. but it could never be true again. You can't just make yourself matter and then die, Alaska, because now I am irretrievably different, and I'm sorry I let you go, yes, but you made the choice. You left me Perhapsless, stuck in your good***ed labyrinth. And now I don't even know if you chose the straight and fast way out, if you left me like this on purpose. And so I never knew you, did I? I can't remember, because I never knew."



Pudge, doesn't know what's out "there" but his subconscious does hope she exists out "there" somehow. He saw the world, his life, society, emotions, love, friendship, and intelligence all differently. Because she gave him a part of her. But now it's almost as if he wants to tear it out, like it's burning him. She's not there to make the piece fit better. Now Pudge is left with a bittersweetly painful wound in his chest. That was not healed. That was not finished being"sewn" together. It turned to clumsy stitches with memories, thoughts, and lessons from her to scratch at the stitches on their ways both in and out. Pudge knew her pretty well, but he shouldn't beat himself up about it too much. I'm not so sure it was possible to even fully, completely know Alaska. My connection is Earlier in the the book she said the point was not to figure her out. With what Alaska had gone through, that was her defense mechanism. It's mine too. I often find myself saying after someone says, "I'm just trying to make sense of you or figure you out." That is the point. I don't want you to fully know me, It gives me an edge on everyone else. Alaska doesnt what people to see the darkest parts of her. Because she's a good actor, despite the demons she keeps. Connection: Like when she talks about her home life, she doesn't want others to see with their naked eye, the scars and wounds it left. Pudge said he feels different. And i've been there, exactly I don't know if anyone else has but I have.

With no closure, when a loved one leaves or "leaves", with questions unanswered and pieces of them you've now made into yourself. I found myself saying, you can't just change me, and then be gone. You cannot just switch pieces of yourself with some of mine. Because you no longer know what to do with the pieces that are yours, they sit and fester. They hurt they bleed. You forgot what you used and had them for anyways. And now there are holes where they took pieces of you. The ones you knew better. And your missing things. But you can't put a finger on what that actually is. I think  this is how Pudge feels.


Pudge and the Colonel are trying to figure out how drunk Alaska was that night (p.179) I wonder if Alaska was an alcoholic. Or a soon to be. She may have been the best drinker among them, but how and why did she get there? Because the Colonel has not reached the level of intoxication Alaska was at. And it isn't a "fun" drunk to them. What was it to Alaska? Did she enjoy being that drunk? Or did she do it to rid herself of the Labyrinth for a while?

I don't think Takumi, or the Colonel or Pudge ever fully knew Alaska, because she was a mystery. It's what made her so amazing yet was her protection as well. Their school life  and friendship was derived of solving the forever mystery of Alaska Young. However, it could not be done. But they still tried. And they all changed. Grew wiser, more confident.Despite her end "All" decision, she left the boys with wander of the world. Of life. While they may remain sad for now, I think they take Alaska's existence in their heads, and use it to get them by in life. That is my take, what are your thoughts?

~Autumn

Okay so from this point on, I'm not gonna be happy about the book, just because it gets so intensely sad, at least for me.  And, if anything, that's a compliment to the book, because it's a rare occurrence that an event makes me emotional, let alone a book.  But anyways, I'm gonna find a few meaningful passages and be done for the night.

So shortly after Alaska's death is announced to the whole school, Pudge is thinking to himself,
               "It's all my fault.
I thought. I don't feel very good.
I thought. I'm going to throw up." (Pg. 139)
Now, being that this is a one-way conversation, I don't know if any of you readers have experienced death, let alone a death of someone so, so close to you, but in my case, it's almost impossible not to blame yourself for it.  So to our dear readers, and to my fellow bloggers, please take a minute to remember those you've lost, give them another moment of your time.

"The whole passage was underlined in bleeding, water-soaked black ink.  But there was another ink, this one a crisp blue, post-flood, and an arrow led from 'How will I ever get out of this labyrinth!' to a margin note written in her loop-heavy  cursive: Straight & Fast."  (Pg. 155)
Not only is this quote Pudge & Alaska's "thing," but what she wrote after the quote has planted a thought much darker than death itself into the heads of Pudge and the Colonel.

"The Colonel sat down next to me in religion class, sighed, and said, 'You reek of smoke, Pudge.' 'Ask me if I give a s***.' [said Pudge]"  (Pg. 157)
We knew that the Great Perhaps, whatever it would be, was going to change Pudge for the rest of his life. Granted, grief, even a grief this strong, will fade eventually, but the bitterness is something that stays with you forever.

"I had wondered who called, and why, and what made her so upset. But I'd rather wonder than get answers I couldn't live with." (Pg. 160)
I think we all need to realize this.  Curiosity is one of the hardest things to fight in our human nature, but sometimes, I think, we need to step back and think about whether or not this is one stone we should leave unturned.

I know there's so much more we could talk about in these chapters, but I imagine that if you're reading this for the first time, you've got enough thinking to do without our help.  So I'll be seeing y'all next week for the final passage of Looking for Alaska!
Take care, everyone
Scott

Hey everyone! Not the brightest part of the book, but I'm here to post a summary.

This section starts with After. They wake up, the Colonel with a hangover, to the Eagle knocking on their door, which is unusual to begin with at Culver Creek. They are ordered to go to the gym, which they do after being reassured that they aren't in trouble but that something terrible happened. At first, they think Hyde has died. Pudge rather constantly brings up the fact that he made out with Alaska in disbelief. When Hyde appears at the gym, they begin to panic, soon realizing that Alaska isn't there. Pudge insists on waiting until Alaska gets there to start, but he soon realizes what has happened yet continues to beg the Eagle to wait.

The Eagle announces that Alaska died in an accident and Pudge flees the gym and throws up. He instantly begins blaming himself for letting her drive drunk and then convinces himself that she's alive and she's just playing a trick on them; this is the only way he can cope with her death. Pudge returns to the gym to see the Colonel screaming "I'm so sorry" over and over again and all of Alaska's friends mourning, or as he puts it, "disintegrating". The Eagle approaches Pudge and Pudge says that he thinks Alaska is pulling a prank, but the Eagle says that he saw her after she hit a police cruiser without swerving or braking and the steering wheel of her car went through her chest.

Pudge struggles with her death for quite some time. He focuses on the fact that she said "To be continued?" after she made out with him. He realizes that he will never know her last words, as the Eagle said her death was instantaneous. He hugs the Colonel for the first time and they mourn together.

Miles calls his parents and informs them of Alaska's death, as he just needs someone to pick up the phone. He then compares his loss to a man losing his glasses and being informed that the world has run out of glasses. It's a beautiful metaphor, as it perfectly describes both his fear and how irrational he believes the situation is.

Pudge and the Colonel continue to mourn as they see Alaska in everything around them at Culver Creek, such as bufriedos and cigarettes. They go through the stages of grief - especially denial and anger to start with. The Colonel leaves to go on a walk to nowhere in particular.

Various visitors try to comfort Pudge, but all he can think is that an instant of blinding pain doesn't feel instant, that none of these people really knew Alaska. Pudge comes up with a standard lie - that he and the Colonel hadn't seen her between going to bed and her death. Pudge ponders that he is in a love triangle with one dead side, given that he is still technically dating Lara.

Pudge has a nightmare about her a few days after her death. It starts off as a good dream, but he soon has to relive her death even though he never lived it.

The Colonel returns about two days after going for his walk. He had walked forty two miles each way, taking forty five hours. He walked until he got too cold and then came back without any sleep, admitting that he has dreams similar to Pudge's. The Colonel copes by memorizing the capitals and populations of all the countries in the world.

Six days after Alaska's death, the students of Culver Creek attend her funeral. Most take a bus, but Takumi, Lara, the Colonel, and Pudge take Takumi's car to avoid the spot where she died. They finally begin to progress to the later stages of grief, somewhere between acceptance and depression for a while. Pudge laments the fact that she has a closed casket funeral and that he will never see her again. It was Alaska's request - her mom had an open casket and she didn't want them to see her dead.. Pudge admits that he loves her present tense and he ponders whether death is worse than his position.

Pudge and the Colonel have to return to Alaska's room to get anything they don't want her aunt to find. Pudge tries to find The General in His Labyrinth, which was Alaska's favorite book, and he keeps it. Near the quote "'How will I ever get out of this labyrinth?'", Alaska recently wrote "Straight and fast", which leads them to speculate that she may have committed suicide. They are both depressed by her unfinished Life's Library - one garage sale to another, ashes to ashes.

They return to school the next day and the Colonel and Pudge have to deal with the everyday trials of school without Alaska, which includes several students mourning her when they hardly knew her. In religion class, Dr. Hyde brings Alaska's question of how to get out of they labyrinth into class.

The Colonel then comes up with a theory, which basically is that Jake calls and they have a fight about her cheating, so she rushes off campus to drive to Nashville and reconcile the relationship. A few miles in, she sees the cop car and she realizes how she's going to get out of the labyrinth and kills herself. Pudge is convinced that this is ridiculous, but it's the best explanation they have. They come up with a game plan to figure out what happens, but Pudge doesn't really want to go along with it - he's too depressed. The Colonel makes him, though.

They go to the police department to talk to the police officer who saw her die and he says that he's never seen someone so drunk that they didn't even swerve. He affirms that Pudge won't get any last words and that her blood alcohol level was .24 (3 times the legal limit for adults in California). He also reveals that she had white flowers in the backseat - the same flowers she got from Jake, or so Pudge assumes. The cop convinces them that it definitely could have been a suicide. The section ends with Pudge just wanting to let her remain dead and not turn her into a selfish b*tch, but the Colonel insists on continuing the search and Pudge grudgingly agrees, ending the section.

Well, long summary. Hope I covered everything!

-Kathy

Hello, everyone! Another week, another section, and this week I'm here to lead the discussion!
So, to quickly recap, Alaska was killed in a car crash, and now Pudge and Colonel are going about their time grieving and looking for answers as to what happened to her.

Now I have some questions for you.

• What do you think happened to Alaska? The Eagle said there was a jackknifed car and that she ran into it. Was she asleep? Was she drunk and her motor skills were hindered? Was she suicidal? I'm curious to see what you think. John Green himself said he doesn't know what happened, so I know everyone's opinion will be different and there are no wrong answers.
• What is the symbolism behind the "straight & fast" note in Alaska's book? Why did she write it in after her room was flooded?
• Pudge makes a lot of remarks on page 156 about why Alaska would have killed herself. ("About hurting me? About wanting me and not him?"/"...not thinking of her promise to me, not thinking of her father or anyone, and that bitch, that bitch, she killed herself.") Is this justified? Explain.

Hello again friends, 
 My fellow John Green lovers and I have completed another week of reading. We've read pages 73-118. A lot of new things have come to light in this section. Especially about Alaska, but about the rest of the characters as well. We're given more clues about Alaska's past and of the themes throughout Looking for Alaska.

• John Green makes a metaphor between rain, drizzle, and a hurricane: "So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was a hurricane." What is so significant about this quote?  What does it tell us about Alaska? What does it tell us about Pudge, and what does it tell us about the two of them together and compared?

Hey guys! It's Scott again, now, as the Connection's MASTER, I can't promise I'll do quite as good a job as Kathy, but I'll do what I can... for your sake!

Now, when last we saw dear Pudgie, he received one of the most heartbreaking anticlimaxes in literature history.  I don't know about the rest of you, but I've definitely been a part of such devastating events, and trust me, it's horrible. When you get so close to something that you're almost certain it's going to happen.  It's going to be such a big thing that once it happens, life will never be the same again, and everyone will be so happy! And- and- and... and...... oh, wait it's not actually gonna happen? Well okay that's cool too. (P.S. not cool too)

 Then, our poor friends have broken one of the schools main rules, NO SMOKING ON CAMPUS. Now sure, they've all smoked on campus time and time again, but what made this time so "special" was they were finally caught by the Eagle himself.  There was a short exchange between him and the group, they were all sentenced to meet in "jury" and he was gone (after Alaska picks up the half burnt cigarette and smokes it a bit more in defiance).  We all have an Eagle in our life right? That one guy (or girl) for whom we're always looking over our shoulder whenever we're doing anything remotely against the rules, a "big brother" so to speak.  But I've never really seen the Eagle to be an antagonist to be honest, or even my Eagle.  Both in the story and in real life, I know that they're busting whoever they can because they're simply trying to keep the law, not because they're out to get me or anyone else for that matter.

Have you ever had a friend, or anyone really, try to set you up with someone?  Weird right?!  Even if you know the person, you feel like if the relationship works out then you're going to be indebted to them forever on any relationship matters.  When Alaska begins to talk about getting Pudge together with Lara, all I can think is, "Oh man that's gonna be super weird... Lara's all accent-y, and Pudge really loves Alaska, so it's gonna be all love triangle-y... aww man."  Now, what does that have to do with any connections to the real world? Well nothing really I just wanted to bring that up.

Oh my gosh the "triple and a half date" (pg. 60).  So there's Pudge with Lara, Alaska with what's his face, and the Colonel with Sarah... and Takumi can come too.  Pudge is there to be set up with Lara, but the entire chapter he's really only talking about how much he's suffering seeing Alaska with what's his face!  I have been in this situation so many times, and if you tell me you haven't you're a dirty liar.  Whether you're with someone else or not, we've all had to hang around as the third wheel with the person we really want to be with, because you'll do anything to be near them. Sure that's a bit sappy but it's true.

(Pg. 67) P.S. I don't care who you are, you use your language class as space out time.

(Pg. 72-73) Ever been told a secret, like a groundbreaking secret?  One that you know if you told someone else you would ruin everything? 'Course you have, this is life we're talking about.  I mean, I'm 16 and I already have things I'm taking with me to the grave, and then Takumi has to go and tell Pudge that Alaska, poor sweet (marginally insane) Alaska, ratted out Marya.  Alaska told Takumi who told Pudge who couldn't tell anyone!!

Guys it happened! Thanksgiving eve! Oh these chapters yes! (Pg. 80) So Pudge and Alaska are alone once more and they just have the best of times! Alaska gets to drink some wine, Pudge gets to look at Alaska, Alaska gets to sabotage WW's, Pudge gets to look at Alaska, Alaska figured out what the labyrinth is, Alaska goes porn hunting, ....Pudge gets to watch some porn, Alaska (somewhat) admits that she likes Pudge!!!! Okay okay okay, I need to relate some things here.  We know (we allllll know) that Pudge loves Alaska, and now we know that Alaska likes Pudge, and they just get to spend all of this perfect alone time together and they're just happy and ugh!  When you're with the one you love,but you're not "with" them, you're just happy to be there right?  You're not obligated to be the perfect boyfriend or girlfriend and you can just truly be yourself because what's the harm right? That's what we see here, pure, untainted friendship with just a kick of something more.

(Pg. 92-98)  Now, I'm not a very popular guy (you can trust me on that), but even I've been invited to a friends house had had to say "yes"" out of fear of hurting their feelings.  Granted Pudge and Alaska  were invited to the Colonel's so they were all close friends and no one was "offish" at that point so there was really no awkwardness, but we all know that Pudge and Alaska would've been just fine together... alone.

Okay so now we get to the pre-prank! (I'm not gonna site the pages because this kind of goes everywhere (and you should know what I'm talking about (assuming you read the book like a good little soldier))). If you as me, this would definitely go under Mile's category of the Great Perhaps.  All of his friends got together, did something they reeeeally shouldn't have, and Pudge got a little sleeping bag action.  Whether you've had your Great Perhaps or not (I'm pretty sure I haven't (if I had I'm gonna be really sad)), you will and you'll remember it for the rest of your life, so make sure it's a good one.

Okay, I'm not happy about this, and if you we're, get out now please.   "The Last Day" chapter (Pg. 125)... Pudge was right there, he finally had Alaska, sure she was drunk but that just makes it easier to do the things that you've wanted to do but wouldn't let yourself (for whatever reason that may be).  They were making out (on a dare but still, I'm counting it) and we all felt that moment of bliss, it was pure happiness, and you thought that nothing could go wrong ever again (sounding familiar? (if it isn't then look at the first connection again)) and- and- and-... wait, she's drunk, and VERY upset about something... and she's getting into a car. Not to point out the obvious, but foreshadow city b**** foreshadow-shadow city b****.  I know you all read past that chapter, if you didn't then you're not reading correctly, please see a manual to commence proper reading techniques.  Anyway, it's hard to relate to a situation like this, I really hope none of you were put into this kind of situation, but if you were, I'm really sorry, and I'm really hoping that you got your senses and took control of the problem that was made to self destruct. But, I feel that there's a lesson to be learned from this, a morbid lesson, but a lesson none the less.  If you're feeling happy, in one of the happiest moments in which you've ever been, check your situational surroundings. Think about what could go wrong to ruin it, get a clear head, and do what you need to to contain that beautiful happy moment.

So just like last week, I'm almost out of time, and I'm about to pass out from exhaustion.  Thanks all for taking the time to go through this blog, I think I speak for everyone who's a part of this when I say we'll make it through this Labyrinth of John Green... some day.

See y'all later.